David:Beloved

I awoke this morning thinking of my brother David. I do not know too much about my his early life because he was four years older than I was. I only know what my parents have told me. David was a very small baby, he weighed just over 4lbs when he was born and he spent some time in an incubator. His digestive system was too weak even for breast milk, he would projectile vomit what my mother fed him so the doctor prescribed a special formula and he grew slowly. He never crawled but rolled everywhere for the longest time. David walked later than most children but by 18 months, he was on his way. At five, David went to kindergarten like most children but it soon became evident that he was not like most children. He did not learn well and the teacher used the words mentally retarded to describe him. I never attended the same school as my brother, he was sent to schools with special classes. 


Growing up with David I came to understand how cruel life could be to those deemed different. David was what the world calls peculiar. He had ticks, often used a voice he called the frog, whispered beneath his breath and bounced when he walked. Children started to make fun of him. They taunted him, imitated the way he walked and called him names. The other children gave him the nickname, Hoppy.  David did not deal well with these things: what child does. He liked people and was gregarious. Being the target of malice must have been confusing and hurtful. He lashed out and ended up being shunted from school to school. It wasn't till we moved out of the city and he started school in Port Perry that he found a place at a school that worked for him. The teacher in charge of the special class was an unorthodox man and David loved him. After his graduation, there were few options for David. He enjoyed fixing TVs and radios so Dad looked into college courses but he'd never achieved more than grade 7 math.  He began to drink, to get drunk. Some people thought it was funny to get him drunk and then watch him. At some point David joined AA and his battle with alcoholism started. In the end, it won. David died at the age of 43.


It was the Christmas season. My parents came down from Owen Sound to stay with us. Several days before Christmas, they went to his apartment to pick him up. There was no answer when they knocked on his door. They knocked harder, and still no answer. They noticed that the lights were on even though David was normally meticulous about turning them off when he went out. They feared that something was wrong. They called David's social worker and he told them that he had not shown up for his usual appointment. They also discovered that he had not made it to his AA meeting that week.  My parents finally called the police and they let them into his apartment. They found my brother at the bottom of the basement steps; he was dead. He was drunk when he died.



David was a slow learner; he was peculiar, often rude and as an adult became an alcoholic but he was more than these things. He loved music, books and horror films, he had girlfriends through the years and he could fix just about anything electronic. I remember him running down the road pulling his toy truck behind him oblivious to everything around him, caught up in the moment. David received a tape recorder for Christmas one year, he recorded everything from toilets flushing to Christmas concerts and family conversations. He rarely walked anywhere, he ran. When he ran, he took no notice of the things around him. I believe he felt free at those times. He was a character; he could imitate a siren better than anyone I have ever met. He loved to use our video recorder. He told my husband he would rather be behind the camera than in front of it. He was not always easy to be around but I love and miss him. 


 David had faith; the chaplain at Whitby Psychiatric hospital told us that he rarely missed a Wednesday evening service. 
One of the things on my mind this morning is his favourite hymn. At church, David would often request the hymn For Those Tears I Died. I have copied the lyrics of this hymn. I think you will understand his love for it when you read the words. 

For those Tears I Died

You said You'd come and share all my sorrows,
You said You'd be there for all my tomorrows;
I came so close to sending You away,
But just like You promised You came there to stay;
I just had to pray!


And Jesus said, "Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied;
I felt ev'ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."


Your goodness so great I can't understand,
And, dear Lord, I know that all this was planned;
I know You're here now, and always will be,
Your love loosed my chains and in You I'm free;
But Jesus, why me?


And Jesus said, "Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied;
I felt ev'ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."


Jesus, I give You my heart and my soul,
I know that without God I'll never be whole;
Savior, You opened all the right doors,
And I thank You and praise You from earth's humble shores;
Take me, I'm Yours.


And Jesus said, "Come to the water, stand by My side,
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied;
I felt ev'ry teardrop when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."
(Marsha Stevens-Pino)


David's life has taught to try not to judge, we all struggle. Some carry burdens that we would be loathe to bear. Jesus does not judge, he shares in those burdens.