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Thursday, 24 November 2011

The Only Story I Can Tell.

I decided to start this blog because I kept wanting to share my thoughts in places like Face Book and Twitter. Then I realized that people would soon want to delete me as their friend if I kept it up. I don't have anything astounding to share except my experiences as another average human being. My Story.

Today I woke up with the tune for "Be Thou My Vision" in my head. I was really disappointed with myself when I realized that the last line of every verse was missing from my memory. I decided to get up and find the lyrics of this beautiful hymn somewhere. I looked for the hymn books that I know are somewhere in this crazy house but came up empty. Then I thought "the computer"! Lo and behold Google came through again. I wrote the lyrics in a note book sang the hymn then realized that the last lines for the next song in my heart had disappeared as well. What an age we live in! I soon found the lyrics for "The Deep, Deep love of Jesus." As I wrote the lines and sang the song I realized how much I want to share this great Love, "Love of every love the Best!"

Some of the words:

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Vast unmeasured, boundless FREE!...

How He loveth, ever loveth,
Changes never, nevermore...

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Love of every love the best!
Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
Tis a heaven of heavens to me.
And it lifts me up to glory,
For it lifts me up to THEE!

This song means so much to me because it sums up a lot of my story. As a young person I searched for love. I made a lot of mistakes, did a lot of things that left me feeling empty and lonelier than before. I know it's a cliche but I was lost, blindly trying to find a way to home, to comfort for my soul, to one who would wrap loving arms around me and love me always no matter what. I didn't find it in friends, drugs, drink, dancing, men's arms or even in motherhood. Then one day I realized that I needed something beyond what I could see, touch, taste. I knew that I was no better than anyone else. I was using others the way they used me. I reached up higher than ever before. I called out a name that I hadn't uttered, except in cursing, for years, Jesus! I knew how small I was in that moment, how much I needed to be real with him. I felt like Mary Magdalene I wept tears and he opened his arms and I walked in! My search was over! I'd found that "Deep, Deep Love, Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free! The heaven we are all searching for is HIM.

Sometimes I forget where I've been and where I'm going. Sometimes it takes me awhile to realize that and I find myself in a blind alley in the end it is always He who puts my feet back in His way. He reminds me where I've come from, where I've been and who I am travelling with now. He causes me to sing:

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all!

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