Outside the box

Enthusiasm for life is not something that comes naturally to me. I tend to be complacent with a tendency toward inaction. I often crave quiet. So when our fourth child, Luke, was born I was not ready. He entered the world loudly. With only his head emerged Luke's cries could be heard in the birthing room, down the hall, through a fire safety door and into the waiting room.
 One of my nick names for Luke as a child was Mr. Happy. He didn't always wake easily in the morning but once he was up he was really up. He would wake with a song and I think he still does.
Luke had a few minor problems as a child but those things never got him down for long. Once when he was about three we had to rush him to the hospital with a severe case of the croup. He spent the night in a croup tent, singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

One of the difficult things for me as a mother was sending my kids off to school. I always worried about them the first few days. With Luke my worries were very short lived because he found such joy in being there and in learning.
For the past several years we have only had one child at home at a time and so our house has become a quiet place. When Luke comes home for the weekend he bursts through the door and pops the quiet bubble.  During his first weekend home, his first year of university Pete and I had just gone to bed and were quietly reading when Luke flung open our door while playing guitar, dancing and singing In the Jungle. He jumped onto our bed and continued to sing and dance causing Pete and I to laugh.
Luke is not always making noise but when you can't hear him you can be assured that he is either asleep, creating something or doing his philosophy homework. He is creative and sometimes asks the oddest questions.
Every one of my children is precious to me, every one different, each one adds something wonderful into the mix and every one of them has taught me something. Luke brings energy and laughter. You never really know what to expect. He challenges me to think outside of the box, find joy in small things and have some fun too.

Florida or Bust.

About a week ago Pete and I drove to Florida for a week with three of our kids and two friends . We rented a large three bedroom house with a pool. We also invited three of Luke's friends to stay with us. That made the total of ten people staying in one house. Most of the ten people were under 25. Young people love to move, make noise and experience things, they are not content to sit around the pool with a drink in one hand and a good book in the other.  We went shopping, visited multiple beaches, took a road trip cross country to the other side of Florida, played games and laughed a lot. The week was busy, noisy and a lot of fun! But I must admit that the Monday after we returned I crashed and didn't move much.

Out of the ten people seven were men and six of those men were under 25 so I had ample opportunity to observe. One of the things young men seem to like to do is lift people off the ground. There were lifting competitions at the beach, the outlet mall and on the lanai with one older woman saying "Please, don't drop him on his head!"  When young men play games they play to win even when you are not keeping score, they love their drinks be it pop or beer and the bigger the waves the better. 

Men this age seem to do everything with gusto they talk loud and laugh even louder. They tell stories with enthusiasm and argue like their life depends on the outcome. It is invigorating to be around them.Florida was not the vacation I thought it would be, it was better.

Our true Home

This blog is called The Only Story I Can Tell because it is my story but I am not the author of this story.

 I make choices everyday.  I am proud of my accomplishments but should I be? Jesus said, "you cannot make even one hair white or black."  What if I'd been born in abject poverty or in a place where women are held down and must be hidden away? What if I'd been born with an extreme handicap or mental illness?  Let's face it I've won a lottery that I didn't buy a ticket for.
What if the questions I asked in the last paragraph were true? Would my life still be worth living? Would I still be of value? This is what Jesus had to say about our worth,  "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." and "For God so loved the world he sent his only Son." (paraphrase John 3:16)


I used to think that somehow I chose Christ but the reality is I didn't. I called out to him out of complete desperation that had nothing to do with material possessions. I realized that I was alone, completely and utterly alone. I had friends, family, a boyfriend and yet I was alone, unmoored, adrift. I couldn't help myself out of this situation. So I reached out and grabbed the hand that was reaching toward me. He pulled me out, he took me in, he wrapped his arms around me. He demonstrated his love to me, he showed me the cross and the nails that seemingly held him there. He taught me to know that it wasn't the nails that kept him on the cross or the soldiers or the angry mobs, it was Love. He showed me that I was not meant to be alone. I was meant to be with him. Once he rescued me I saw the futility in hanging onto the floating wreckage of this world; possessions and ambitions, status, education and beauty. Even if I built those things together they wouldn't make a boat. They would be cobbled together pieces that at best made a leaky raft. We can loose our possessions, our status, our beauty even our intelligence. We may never attain our ambitions and after all we end up in a grave, alone. But Christ is more than a boat upon a sea he is dry land. He is home.
I have possessions, I have a job that I enjoy, I have dear family and friends, these things are not bad. But sometimes I forget that all of it can disappear in an instant. I forget that I "cannot add one day to my life by worrying." That I "can't even change the colour of my own hair."(dye grows out eventually) I begin to believe that some of those things are really important, that they make up who I am. I forget that the One from whom all blessings flow "is before all things, and in him all things hold together." When this happens I begin to roam. I don't get very far though he always taps me on the shoulder and reminds me of who I really am and to remember "who I was when God called me. I was not considered wise by human standards. Nor powerful." [paraphrase 1 Cor 1:26] The great thing about having Christ as my home is that He is always there around the next bend in the road waiting for me to realize that.  "Because of what God has done, we belong to Christ Jesus. He has become God's wisdom for us. He makes us right with God. He makes us holy and sets us free."(1 Cor. 1:30)



Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling for you and for me;
See, on the portals he's waiting and watching,
Watching for you and for me.


Come home, come home,
Ye who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home.

A Jewel

Hello again! I've said that each of my children has taught me something. I also look at my children and am amazed at who they are. God has made each one wonderfully unique. I love it! So I share another jewel with you.

The first thing that you notice when you meet Anna is her smile. It lights up her face. It is a smile that elicits a smile in response. She is an intelligent woman. She has an honours BA in sociology/social work with a minor in psychology. After graduating from university she spent a year teaching in South Korea. She has an adventurous spirit. This summer she took a road trip with 2 friends with no real plans for accommodation.  They camped in a hippie camp ground, and on a beach, where they were woken up in the night by a sudden storm, and in a guest house owned by a very elderly man.She has a zest for life. She not only dreams of doing things, she does them. I am amazed at her courage. 
Camping on the sandy beach taught Anna and her friends the truth of Jesus teaching about building our lives on a rock foundation rather than on sand!
After spending a year teaching in Korea Anna realized that the thing that gives her the most joy in life is working with small children. She becomes animated when she tells us stories about "her children." She is a great at mimic and makes us laugh at the children's antics. Anna is now doing an intensive ECE program at Sheridan College that is meant for people with a BA in the social sciences.


When Anna was growing up one of the things that impressed me was her determination. We have an old home video of Anna at the beach. She must have been around three and a half at the time. She's built a sandcastle and runs to the ocean with a little cup to fill with water for the moat. She runs up from the ocean with the little cup. When she comes close her Dad asks her "what have you got in the cup." She starts to reply, then looks down at the cup and realizes that it's empty! Does Anna give up, no. She runs back to the ocean and scoops up some more water. This time she walks very slowly, carefully covering the little cup of water with her hand and this time she has water to put in her moat! It was the same when she was learning to ride a bike and then later when she was having a difficult time in a high school  course. Anna does not give up easily. She puts all her effort into things, especially those things that she finds challenging. 


She has had her sorrows. Two summers ago one of her good friends from high school was killed when she lost control of her car and crashed.  This was a sad time for Anna. It is always difficult when someone your age dies young. It doesn't seem fair. You realize your own mortality. It is hard to watch your child grieve. You want to help them in some way or take the pain away, you can't and you feel powerless. All you can do is give hugs, love and pray, pray, pray. Little by little these types of things have taught me to let go. To trust my children to God and to trust my children in their relationship with him.

Anna really cares for people and I think that is why she chose to study social work. She has been a blessing to me. She is understanding and warm, an easy person to talk to. Her approach to life dares me to get out of my comfort zone, to work hard and not give up and to have some fun too!

I've been thinking about loneliness lately.

The worst thing about loneliness isn't the aloneness. It's the idea that there is no one in this world that thinks enough of you to take the time to connect with you.

 There are different reasons for loneliness. The first reason is isolation caused by a person's circumstances. A person may be lonely because they are physically, mentally or emotionally unable to reach out. Seniors, the disabled, the mentally ill and even young stay-at-home mothers of multiple children fall into this category.

There are lonely people who, because of circumstances,  have become bitter depressives who repel people.

Then there are those who are physically isolated because they live in remote areas.

But last I think that there is a newer breed of lonely people. This last breed is a product of our culture. They are those who choose to be alone. They are the busy people of this world. Most of us these days have fallen into this category at one time or another. Our modern society makes it easy to be alone. One no longer needs to leave the comfort of their home to; pay bills, check out, request or renew books from a library, gain access to newspaper and magazine articles, shop, go to school or even socialize.

When my kids were small I fell into the first category. There were times, during flu season, where I hardly left the house for months at a time. I don't know how I would've made it through if it weren't for those women whose children were no longer wrapped around their ankles who came to my rescue. I had several friends who would visit, sit, have a cup of tea. There was one woman who used to come  and chat while we folded laundry. There was always a mountain of laundry..

I no longer fall into this category and yet there are times when I  feel lonely. Over the past year or so I've backed out of commitments at church because I've been busy.  Recently I woke up to discover that I was lonely.  I began to think about how I'd come to this place, to ponder the Bible verse in Genesis where God states "it is not good for man to be alone." In the garden man had a relationship with God with no barriers; yet God saw the need for a companion for Adam. God created Eve out of Adam's rib. He could have scooped up a handful of clay, formed it in the shape of a woman and breathed life into it but he didn't. I believe that God wanted there to be a deep connection between Adam and his companion. Since that time every human being has started life connected physically to another human being. We are not meant to be alone, we are meant to have deep connections with others.

This Sunday our pastor preached from 1st Corinthians 12:12-26, about community.  (The passage where Paul compares the Church to the human body.) The sermon was one of the best that I've ever heard on this passage. It spoke to me personally because God had been talking to me about this already. Fred's final points were on how to experience community. He said first of all; one needs "to show up"; secondly participate in the community; one should share, tell their story; stay and spend time with others; and lastly don't give up. Community is not necessarily an easy thing to deal with sometimes people get on our nerves or offend us. It is important for me to remember that sometimes I get on people nerves or offend. Lots of grace is required in order to have community.

This week I've decided to do something about my lonely state. I've decided to get out, show up, participate, spend some time getting to know others.

But what about those in and outside my community who might be lonely but don't have the capacity to do anything about it. This is something I know I need to work on; seeing the loneliness and doing something about it. 

The Moment

Small children have a gift. It is the gift of living in the moment. When I was a child the first snowfall thrilled me, it was magical. It was like I had never seen snow before.  I used to marvel at my children's ability to take joy in the smallest things or be absolutely engrossed in things that most adults wouldn't even notice. I remember Pieter as a three year old crouching down to examine a dead frog in the road. A bit gross for most people but absolutely fascinating to a three year old. He used to take things apart, to see how they went together. He didn't worry about getting them back together. Luke would to wake up singing and dancing, no thought about where his meals were coming from or what his future would be. Luke,  at twenty, still lives in the moment more than any other person I know. He loves to create, sing, play music and philosophize but even he worries at times about the future. Watching my children grow and discover the world was a joy. I remember Anna following our dog Bashful around and taking such pleasure in the way she wagged her tale. I loved how determined she was to ride a bike, she persevered like there was nothing more important in the world. Tina was another one that would sing, dance, twirl completely free from worldly constraints.

When Grace was about a year old, I was facing some issues within myself that were overwhelmingly painful. One spring day she and I were out in the garden. I was hanging laundry and she was sitting on the grass near me. I noticed that she was totally oblivious to what I was doing. She was looking around herself in wonderment. Lost in the moment. I wrote this about it:

Spring

My baby sits in the garden

The grass curls around her legs

as if she is born of the earth.

a sunny flower.

She waves at a bumble bee

and strokes the grass with

her soft hand.

I pick her up and hold her,

her heart close to mine,

perhaps to share in that 

deep, wide unsuspecting innocence.

She doesn't know the brown grass of summer

or the bee's sting

and when she's close

I forget.

Every once in awhile we forget ourselves and become totally lost in the moment. Sometimes sitting beside a lake early in the morning,with the mist rising off the water  we glory in the dawn. We stop thinking, we just are. In church when a great piece of music is played we close our eyes and soar far above the earth. In the spring we go for a walk and breath deeply of the fresh smell of earth and plant life. We are caught up in the green newness of the world.  In prayer we are transported from the here and now and are engulfed in the ecstasy of the Lord's presence. Every time these things happen it is because I have forgotten myself and am more aware of God's kingdom. Life, as we grow, grows busy, we become weighted down with doubts, self-consciousness and worry. We have experienced pain and at times old wounds seem fresh. I have learned that at those times it is important to stop, look outside myself, run to the one who created us and wants us to live with him always. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" 1 John 4:8 "How great is the love the Father has given us so freely! Now we can be called children of God." 1 John 3:1

Anna and Bashful

Narnia

 I love to read.  My parents were and are avid readers. They introduced us to books at a young age. But the thing that made us into readers was their example.

I read mostly fiction but I think the reason I read is to understand people, the world around me and at times to uplift my spirit.  To me the best books are honest books. Books that are written with a love of the craft and not just for profit. This is true of all forms of art. I don't have to necessarily agree with the characters' points of view if what is being said is genuine.

 I have favourite authors and books. There are books that I reread every few years. David Copperfield, Little women, To Kill a Mocking Bird, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and CS Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia are some of my favourite rereads. Of all the books that I have read multiple times the one I reach for most often is the Chronicles of Narnia.

Every two or three years I pick up the Chronicles of Narnia and dive head first into that world.  I need to visit that place once again. I love that a lamp post hurled in evil rage from our world into Narnia plants itself and continues to shine for eons there. I love how Aslan creates his world with song. I can hear the music as it emerges from his being, causing stars to twinkle and the sun to rise for the first time. I revel in it as it rolls and swells and hills, valleys and plains are formed. I thrill as the song trills and flows and streams, ponds, rivers, lakes and oceans appear. I love the idea that a good and blameless king will pay a price for a crime he did not commit. It moves me that people who are weak and selfish come to see their weaknesses after they come face to face with Aslan and are changed. That children can be heroes and grow to become fair princes and princesses and noble Kings and Queens who rescue others. In Narnia the wicked hatch schemes to deceive but in the end their falsehoods are revealed and their plans to do evil are thwarted.

After reading CS Lewis' books I am infused with hope again. I can see our world in a different light. I see that there is evil and tragedy, but also light and love displayed in the face of adversity. I can see what is noble and think on those things. I am challenged to look beyond myself to others. To see promise in those around me.  To forgive as I have been forgiven and to bless others as I have been blessed.